Double Iron Uk 2008 Blog

The UK's first Double Iron 2008

Saturday 2nd & Sunday 3rd August
The day started off well, I had managed to sleep for a few hours and woke up feeling quite fresh and not too nervous. I ate some cereal and drank some coffee, then started getting my things together. I was extremely lucky to have my closest friend, Claire as my support, and having someone to help take all the bags and the bike to the car was great. It was also brilliant having someone to listen to my nervous chatter, even if it didn't make a lot of sense. We arrived at the race village and began to unpack and put up tents, it was at this point that it started becoming very real for me, you don't need a tent for an Ironman! This was going to be a very long race.

After sorting out the food and kit we made our way to the pool, it was about 5.30am at this point. I changed into my wetsuit and waited by the poolside. As I hadn't done any training in a wetsuit in a pool I had decided that if I didn't like it then I would take it off during the swim, but as most of the other competitors were wearing them and I was also a little worried about the cut off time, I wanted to give it a go.We all waited for 6am and Steve the race director blew the whistle. I had Monique Hollinshead and another male competitor in my lane and we settled in to a routine quite quickly. It did feel odd to be swimming in a warm pool in a wetsuit, but I felt good and I got a feeling that I haven't had many times during my 3 years in triathlon, I felt that this race was going to go really well! To get that feeling so early on in a race, a race that was going to take until late the next day to finish, was strange to say the least. I can't really explain it, but a sense of confidence and calm took over.

I got out of the swim at 8.40am, 20 minutes faster than I had planned and got changed in the changing rooms, which made a lovely break from a chilly tent. Claire had laid all my kit out for me whilst I was wrestling with my wetsuit (which was even harder than normal to get off, had I swelled up due to the heat!?!) so I got sorted quickly and munched on a cereal bar on the way to get my bike.The bike consisted of 16 laps of 14 miles on a reasonably quiet country road. The first part, which lead to the turn around point was mostly down hill and I think everybody enjoyed getting on their tri bars and getting some speed up. To get back to transition was a little harder, but I found that it broke the ride up and I was able to get out of the saddle a bit, which was nice to have a stretch and a change of position. As normal with me, my lower back started hurting by 30 miles and I had to start taking painkillers, I think my support crew were getting a little concerned that I was taking too many but the pain really does become bad and makes it hard to stay focused.

I had decided before the race that I would stop every lap for 5 minutes and that's exactly what I did. It worked really well, enabling me to have some food and refill my drink bottles and also have some human contact, which after training for months on the bike on my own, was great! After about 145 miles my stomach started shutting down and I was finding it really hard to eat anything, I was starting to bonk and I knew I had to find something I could eat. After mentally searching my food stores I settled on mini chedders and Mars refuel drink, without which I think things could have become very messy. The last 3 laps on the bike were particularly hard as it became dark and we all had to get out our high viz vests and bike lights. If I could recommend one thing for this race, it would be to buy really decent bike lights! Expensive ones! Mine were rubbish and I was lucky that I only had 3 laps left, because I found it very hard. There are no white lines to follow on the side of the road and when the cars came past with the main beam on, I was blinded and after 200 miles on the bike that was not a lot of fun! But I kept telling myself that a double Ironman was never going to be easy.

I finished the bike in 15:59 which I was thrilled with, but, not surprisingly I wasn't feeling great and went to sit in the tent and be looked after for a while. My amazing support crew (Which included the lovely Mark as well as Claire) made me tea and pot noodle and I changed into warm run gear. The thought of running 2 marathons at this point was completely mad, and not in a good way. After 20 minutes I felt much better, but my knee had become very painful in the last few laps of the bike and I was really concerned how I was actually going to run 1 lap let alone 42!! Running was very painful for the first part of the lap, but as my legs switched from bike to run mode it eased up considerably and I felt good again. The run course came out of the transition area, along a road and into a wooded area. I cannot begin to explain just how weird it felt to have spent all day and part of the night on a bike and then to start running though a wood with a head torch on. Very surreal. Steve and Eddie had kindly marked the stumps and roots for us, (I don't think there would have been many finishers otherwise!) and the course was marked with tape for us to follow. On exiting the wood, you followed the road back down to the school. Easy then. Just 42 laps, no problem. That's how I felt for the first 20 laps and then it became harder and harder.

My nutrition consisted this time of Pringles and Mars refuel drink and also a few cups of tea went down well. I started really struggling by lap 30, but the other competitors, the amazing support from my crew, all the other supporters who never stopped shouting and cheering for us all, and of course, Steve and Eddie who were brilliant, pulled me through. I managed to run most of it, albeit slowly, but the last 3 laps I had to walk. I had become very dizzy and the pain in my legs was overwhelming me. I did managed to run the last bit to the finish though, high fiveing everybody as I went past. I finished in 32:27 and what an amazing feeling, Steve gave me my medal and t-shirt and I was also given a cheque and an amazing trophy for coming 2nd lady! The best bit though? Stopping!Over all, it was one of the best experiences of my life, the feeling in the pool that it was going to be a great race was spot on. Of course it was hard, I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't, but after 6 months of very intense training, worrying about cut offs, injuries and having very little social life, I had done it!

Thursday 31st July
I had a real proper nightmare last night, I didn't make the cut off and couldn't complete the race. God, it was horrible and I have never been so glad to wake up and discover that I hadn't actually started the race. Woke up feeling really stressed and tired. Need to chill. Finished packing, the living room looks like a bombs hit it, I can't believe how much stuff I need. Must remember to take my bike. The food alone takes up two big bags. I have flat coke, lucozade, Mars milkshake, rice pudding, jaffa cakes, snickers, jellybabies (of course) choc peanuts, coconut rings, mum's oatcake, beans with mini sausages, macaroni cheese, pot noodles, salted peanuts, honey roasted cashews, salt and vinegar crisps, pringles, white rolls and some proper race food like Powerbars, yuk. I think I have bought too much.

I am really nervous but I am very excited too, can't believe it's finally here after all the training and worrying, I'm really going to the UK's first Double Ironman... aggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

Monday 28th
Wednesday 30th July - I have a lot of nervous energy, trying not to waste it, but I have strong urges to clean the house and anything else that gets in my way. 40 minutes on the treadmill on Wednesday is my last session and it's more of a mental thing, need to clear my head and relax. A beer or two would be nice!!

Sunday 27th July
30 mins hills on turbo and 30 mins easy run on treadmill. Just ticking over really, feeling ok today, I mean the race is ALWAYS at the back of my mind, but I'm not too stressed about it today. I worked out today a way of breaking down the run... x4 10 laps (and 2 extra) Genius I know, I really don't know why I failed my maths GCSE. Anyway, that's x6 50 Lengths (plus a few extra) in the pool, then after a bit of breakfast and a cuppa, x14 laps of 16 miles on the bike, have some chips, then run x4 10 laps. Sounds quite easy really.

Saturday 26th July
REST

Friday 25th July
30 mins hills on turbo and 30 mins easy run on treadmill. All felt good, the run felt like I could just go on and on... which is handy!!!

Thursday 24th July
REST. Ok, I want to train now. I actually want to do a long bike tomorrow, I won't, but I want to. Weird. I seemed to have forgotten that it's not really normal to bike over a 100 miles every Friday!

Wednesday 23rd July
REST

Tuesday 22nd July
REST. Felt really tired after yesterday, but pleased that there are no more long swims or bikes hanging over me.

Monday 21st July
Last long training session - 200 lengths in the pool, did it in 2 hours which included 3 drink breaks and 1 wee break. If I do this pace in the race it should take me between 3 - 3.20. And yes I know I will be the last out and I DON'T CARE. Much.
After some grub I did 80 miles on the bike, my back hurt for the first part, then it eased up. I was going to try and do 145 miles but my knee started giving me serious jib at 75 miles, so I decided that if I was going to stuff up my knee, best to do it in the race, rather then 12 days before it. Felt tired but good that night, went to bed early.

Saturday 19th/Sunday 20th
Sports massage course in Southampton which was exhausting but great.

Friday 18th July
Supposed to do a long swim, but just couldn't face it, so I listened to my body and went for coffee instead!!

Thursday 17th July
30 min turbo trainer - hills and 30 mins treadmill, no pain from my Achilles, which is odd but good.

Monday 14th - Wednesday 16th July
Mon - Tue - Wed - REST

Sunday 13th July - The Forestman
I spent the day before the race messing about with kids, a dog, a bike and transitions bags. Finally at 7.30pm I sat down with a spinach and ricotta pizza and watched Point Break, which is an excellent pre -ironman film I have to say. I went to bed at 11pm but really didn't sleep much, not surprising really as I had the alarm(s) set for 2.30am! I didn't feel too tired, which was good, my body is coping amazingly well with these very early starts I been having recently. I had a couple of bits of toast and tried to eat a weetabix which wasn't very successfully. I grabbed my dry bag and jumped in the car. It's odd driving to an ironman event seeing people returning from nights out, all dressed up and drunk. They were going home and I was getting into a lake. I got to Sandy Balls (why is it called that?) and wondered about in the dark for a bit feeling lost, then I saw a marshal who told me to wait in my car and keep warm, the coach would be here soon. When I got to my car I met a fellow competitor called Sara and we had a good chat about generally feeling under prepared for the race.

The coach arrived and took us to the lake and we all started getting ready. IMUK is the only other full IM I have done and it was a complete contrast to the Forestman. IMUK transition is mad, so many nervous people and loud music. It's great but adds to the terror somewhat. But here, at Ellingham Lake, the small bunch of athletes were quietly unpacking there gear, chatting to others, everybody seemed (sort of) relaxed and happy. Last year I felt very alone at IMUK, my own fault really, I should of made more effort to talk but I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED and really found it hard to make small talk. We started making our way down to the lake and Richard the organiser said a few words, you could tell how much he cared that the race was a success, great guy. He introduced a friend of his to say a few words and I joked to the girl next to me that he was a priest to bless us! Turned out that he was a priest and he did bless us, which made me feel like I was off to war or something!. I got in to the lake without any problems at all, which was brilliant, no panics, no breathing problems, goggles didn't mist up (that spray stuff really works) It has taking me a long time to get to the point that I can get into a lake now without hyperventilating and I am very pleased. The swim went ok, my neck started hurting as I was only breathing on one side and I didn't dare to change it incase it caused a panic attack. I got cramp a few times and my back began to get very cold in in the last lap but otherwise, all good. I did think it was taking a long time but then I know how bloody slow I am and also not real 'loving' the whole open water thing, time does drag a little, but when I got to the end a I asked Richard if I was ok for time, I wasn't very pleased to find out that I was over the swim cut-off! He said 'go on, I'll let you go as a favour' A favour?? Fuck! Just how crap am I? How did I do 1.40 in IMUK last year and now this? I was really upset. I stumbled to my bike, pulling at my hat and wetsuit, feeling humiliated and very pissed off with myself.

There were 3 bikes left in T1 and I began to get my kit on but not really knowing if it was worth going on. This felt very similar to Wimbleball and I felt pretty close to tears. I got on my bike with my hair everywhere, my shorts all pulled up wrong and my shoes not done up properly. I felt like everybody was looking at me in pity, and thinking I bet she doesn't finish. I felt like saying 'Guess what? I'm doing a double in a few weeks hahahaha!!' To say I was demoralised was an understatement. After riding like a demon for 10 minutes, beating myself up and deciding whether I should give up or not, I had one of those 'moments' Ironman is all about this sort of thing, when does a race go 100%? Ironman is all about overcoming obstacles and getting through it all. Crossing the line, knowing you gave it your all. Sometimes your time is what you wanted, sometimes it better then you imagined and sometimes you have to accept that it wasn't your day but that you finished. Sometimes you don't even finish. I had to remember what I have always thought about my all races, I will only give up if I made to, if I'm unconscious or dead (or missed a cut-off) So at that point I decided to give it my all and try and make my time up on the bike, I mean, how hard can it be? So I pushed, and kept pushing for the whole 112 miles. I was aware that I wasn't really eating much but I was drinking and thought I can make it up on the run. My back pain kicked in at 30 ish miles and got worse and worse. I really needed to stop and stretch but the was no time and I pushed on. By the time I had got to the last 20 miles I was really losing it, the back pain was really taking it out of me, making my concentration slip. I thanked the ironman god for no punctures or falls and finally came into T2 I have no memory of where my bike went and found myself sat in a chair with my run bag in front of me (thanks guys! great organisation) I opened my salt and vinegar crisps and stuffed some down, whilst getting undressed, there was a bloke sat next to me, but it didn't seem to bother me at the time as I whipped of my run shorts.

Pulling on my trainers and bum-bag I stumbled out onto the run course, wishing, not for the first time, that I had some support during the race. My legs were shot, but I knew they would sort themselves out. I started chatted to a lovely bloke called Tim who had his calf bandaged up due to tearing it last week. After a short (but nice section) on the road we hit the forest and after couple of miles we got to the laps that we had to repeat over and over and over and over.... I was in quite high spirits for the first couple of laps and was smiling and saying hi to everyone, I had eaten an orange club biscuit (yum) and knew I should be eating more but my stomach was beginning to feel very uncomfortable so I thought I would stick to water till it settled. After another lap, I realised that the way I was feeling wasn't going to get any better and realistically it was just going to get worse. I began to get very bad heartburn and nausea (reminded me of being pregnant) at this point and that was how it stayed. The run course was evil, there is no other word for it. Miles and miles of hilly, gravel paths, endless laps, seemingly never ending. I know I had to finish but at the time, I just couldn't believe how long it was taking and how bad I felt. Tim, who I was running behind told me at this point that the swim had been 375m over. I was so relieved, but also a little cross. I had all my times worked out and this had really messed things up for me.

I don't know how I finished the run, as I was completely out of fuel and I had a new injury (Achilles - bugger) but I was so happy to run into Sandy Balls and I saw my daughter running towards me and got a bit choked up, I ran to the finish and went though with a big smile! Even though my time (15.23) was nowhere near what I wanted, I was proud that I did it, especially with such a crappy start. Me and my daughter, Jess, stayed around to see the final 2 finishers in, the atmosphere was great and the food lovely, although it took me an hour to eat 1 jacket potato and some quiche due to my dodgy tum. We finally went home and I crashed out, a happy ultrabunny!

Monday to Thursday
Resting up for the Forestman, which to be honest, I am worrying myself stupid over. My recent DNF at 70.3 Uk has knocked my confidence big time. In a way its good, as I think I had become a little over confident and needed to bought down to earth again. But if I fcuk this up my confidence for the double will be shot. I have been planning my times...

Swim 1.40
T1 1.55 (15 mins) (I WILL NOT be hypothermic, I have my new scull cap and will take my booties, I don't care what I look like)
Lap 1 4.15 (2.20)
Lap 2 6.35 (2.20)
Lap 3 8.55 (2.20)
T2 9.05 (10 mins)
Mara1 11.25 (2.15)
Mara2 13.40 (2.15)

So, the total time being 13.40, anything near this will be great. My motivation is obviously, the double, but also 70.3, also there is someone who I am quite keen to impress (I am just a girl, y'know!!)

Sunday 6th July
I'm a bit tired but not like I have been the day after big sessions. Could it be that my body is finally adjusting to the crazy milage?

Saturday 5th July
I set the alarm to get me up at 4am the next day, but (you know there was going to be a but) when I got up it was blowing a gale and raining really hard, couldn't decide what to do so I went back to bed. Woke up again a 5.30 and the weather had calmed down, so I had no feeble excuses to use. I started riding at 6.30 and 45miles, I then stopped for a break, I had completely intended to keep going and all that but I suddenly decided that I really just couldn't be arsed to do anymore. I am so sick of riding the same bloody route and with Saturday morning traffic kicking in, other routes were out. So I went home a went for a 2 hour run, which went really well. My dodgy knees held up and I really enjoyed it considering the amount of bike miles I had put in over the last 24 hours.

Friday 4th July
I started the bike at 9.20 on Friday and proceeded to ride for 112 miles. It went pretty much as normal... Ok till 30 miles, then horrible back pain kicks in, I take lots of pain killers, which don't really do anything, then around 90 miles the pain eases up and the rest of the ride is easy peasy. Well, maybe not easy peasy but compared to the previous 70 miles... I discovered that Jaffa cakes are excellent bike food and flat coke really does rock! Strangly I wasn't very hungry on this ride but made up for it when I got home when I ate a huge plate of pie and mash yum.

Thursday 3rd July
OFF

Wednesday 2nd July
OFF

Tuesday 1st July
OFF

Monday 30th
100L swim with x3 10L fast (ish) 2.5hr run

Sunday 29th
I got up at 4am (how, I'm not entirely sure) and started the ride at about 4.45am. It was nice to be on such quiet roads and it wasn't too cold for that time of the morning. I felt a little like Snow White because I seemed to be surrounded with animals for the first hour or so, deer, rabbits, horses, cows, birds and a fox but he was very dead, poor thing. There was also a seagull the size of an albatross, but I don't think Walt Disney put them in Snow White.

I went home for a much needed break at 85miles and ate toast and marmite and salt and vinegar crisps, slurped some coffee and phoned my mum for an update on my nan, who is still unconscious. I set off again hoping to do another 85 miles but only managed 35 miles and then the combination of being very tired and pissed off, very hot, the roads full and also I have reached a point of being completely and utterly sick of riding mile after mile on my own for hours and hours. God, its hard. Got home and had a shower, washed the oil of my hands (chain came off AGAIN) and then lay like broccoli on the sofa for a few hours, eating and watching fear factor. Cool. Took the dog out later for an hour and half, which I really enjoyed and helped stretch my legs out.

Saturday 28th
Supposed to have done a long ride in the night today, but I am really struggling at the moment. I feel quite low and very tired. Hardly surprising really as I am training for a double ironman, but I banged my arm on the door earlier and felt like I wanted to cry, so I think cycling 160 miles on a hot busy Saturday is going to just be the most miserable experience possible. I am going to go to the cinema and eat pick and mix instead. Probably what Paula Radcliffe does when she is having a low day.

Friday 27th
REST

Thurs 26th June
45 minute on the TT. Felt good.

Wednesday 25th June
Feel better today, although still bit tired. That was a bloody long ride. I have some tendonistis in my left knee and it is sore to touch and there is some visible swelling present. I sound like a doctor. It really bloody hurts and I am using ibru gel and have a lovely support bandage on it. Jake asked me why I had a 'horrible old sock on my knee'

Me and Lynn went sea-swimming today, it was Lynn's first time in the water with me and she did really well, too bloody well for my liking. None of my hyperventilating, swearing and general faffing about. Oh no, in she went and just got on with it. Hmmm. We were in for about 40 minutes and the temperature was fine, the swim down was easy but we turned around and faced quite a challenge to get back. The waves were breaking in our faces, so drinking a fair amount of salty water was the order of the day.. yum, drink enough of it and you start feeling quite queasy. I pretended I was a rescue swimmer from one of my favourite films, The Guardian, and that seemed to help. Infact, I quite enjoyed it, which is a strange feeling for me because sea-swimming and enjoyment to do not go hand in hand for me. I got home and did a 45 minute hill session on the turbo Trainer with less enthusiasm and energy than last week.

Found out later that my nan had had a stroke. Puts things in perspective in terms of living your life for you and not putting your dreams on hold etc.

Monday 23rd June
145 mile bike ride into the night. Eeek!

145 miles on the bike in just over 9 hours, I averaged about 16.1mph, which I'm pretty pleased with. The day started with the Evening Echo photographer making me run down the road with a towel and goggles round my neck and the bike on my shoulder. As you do. Probably confirmed to the neighbours that I am a complete looney, as they already suspected.

I started the bike in a good frame of mind but by 30 miles in my lower back pain had started and it continued till about mile 90, at that point I took 2 Anadin, way too close to the 2 Paramol that I had already taken but this seemed to do something, as it began to ease up. In fact, from 90 miles to 130 miles I felt better than I had for most of the ride. A few things happened then, I reached down to switch on my Catseye bike light and discovered that it wasn't there anymore. Some bastard had nicked it from the bike racks at Wimbleball 70.3 Are people just great? As it was getting dark, it was a problem, they hadn't nicked the cheap rear light I noticed So that was something I suppose.

The next problem was I began to get really cold, I wasn't prepared for the temp to drop so fast, I think it was about 8.30pm at this point and then I started to get a real ache in my shoulders and arms, I have never had arm pain before, I think it must have been the cold.

My chain came off again at about mile 140 but I got it back on within 1 minute, which pleased me no end! I also hadn't allowed for the fact that I needed to remove my sunglasses but replace them with some clear ones. The New Forest flies are a bloody pain, and it was a toss up between not being to see because of the impending darkness or risk being temporarily blinded by a few dozen flies.

I finished feeling shattered but positive. I felt that with a 10 minute break, warm clothes, food and a cup of tea, I would have been ok to go on for more. How much more I don't know.

Riding in the evening is nice because the roads are so much quieter but it does add to the feeling of isolation and loneliness. At least at the race there will still be a good few of us riding though the darkness.

When I got back I went to bed with toast and tea. I slept really badly, my stomach was very unsettled and my whole body ached, which made it hard to get comfy.

Today I feel crap, really tired and sick. I just want to lie down. The thought of having to ride 165 miles in 5 days time does not appeal, but with the kids both being away it is my only option to get the miles in.

Only 5 weekends to go now and one of those is wiped out with a sports massage course.

Sunday 22nd June
Sea Swimming. Oh joy.
Me, Jake and the dog met up with lynn and her dog and set of to the beach, it was very windy, which was making me a tad nervous. But it was a bright sunny day which I find helps. I got my suit on and got in the sea with minimal fuss and faffing. I started swimming towards the cafe with the wind behind me and I did quite well, it wasn't really cold, I had a little panic and felt a bit dizzy for a few minutes but I just stopped and tried to chill. Swimming back was harder as i had the wind and the waves in my face. There was quite a lot of stop starting at this point. I played a game of attempting to swim more than 20 strokes before stopping (and choking) Got out feeling quite pleased with myself, I had done about 30 minutes, should have done more, but I wasn't even slightly blue or shivery. Lynn said I was the best she had ever seen in terms of temperature.

Saturday 21st June
OFF
Due to my ex being ill and unable to look after my son, I couldn't do the long bike I had planned. 'Oh dear what a shame' I said to myself, 'now I will have to lie in bed with a cup of tea, instead of getting up at 4am' A real shame.

Friday 20th June
250 length swim and 3 hour run.
The swim took bloody ages and the last 50 lengths were hard, I had taken some painkillers before so my head didn't hurt too much. It is taking about 1 hour per 100 lengths. Slow slow slow but I get the job done.

The run was hard, I had eaten a sausage sandwich straight after my run and although normally I can eat pretty much what I want to, my stomach was NOT happy! I had a stitch for a good hour. My knee was also sore and also, halfway through the run I got an incredible thirst for water. i had lucozade with me but it seemed to be making me even more thirsty. I was near a pub so popped in for a quick pint. Of water. Unfortunately . Fish and chips later that evening finished of a nice day.

Thursday 19th June
Speed bike. 45 minutes on the turbo trainer. I haven't been on the turbo for bloody ages and I quite enjoyed it. I'm sure the novelty will wear off over the next few weeks.

Wednesday 18th June
Open water swim. I was pretty nervous about this. I met Lynn at the Harbour with the dogs. It was a horrible day, windy, cold and overcast. I got my suit on and after a lot of messing about and stalling, I got in. It was pretty warm really and very muddy. When I was little I wandered off on a day out at the beach with the family one day. I started paddling in a harbour when the tide was out and found my self in sinking sand, not a great place to be at the best of times, but at 7 years old I was pretty scared! I remember two strong men pulling me out and I ran back over the beach, black from the neck down! So anyway, wading through the mud started me panicking about quicksand, but after I established that the sinking stopped once I got to my ankles I was able to go further out. So there I was sloshing around in the mud. The water never really got past my thighs but that didn't stop me either as I attempted a 'sort of front crawl through mud' stoke.
Kind of mud wrestling on my own really. Still, it amused people on the beach.

Tuesday 17th June
Speed run. I did 45 minutes on my treadmill using speed intervals. I really enjoyed it, music blaring out and pounding along. My knee wasn't so happy about it though.

Monday 16th June
Day after the race and I am hiding in my cave, feeling sorry for myself and not too well either. I'm getting lots of phone calls and text messages. My big brother sent me one yesterday that meant a lot to me... 'Sis, you have to know that this will only make you stronger, sport always has it's low points, that's what makes up better athletes, just ask Kelly Holmes'. I went for a dog walk with my mate Lynn and we talked everything through and in her opinion if I didn't complete the Forestman, then my confidence would be very low when I got to the double. I agreed and we decided that the more open water experience I got between now and July 13th, the better. She then bought me a coffee and a huge slice of carrot cake! My mum and step dad then took me shopping and bought me coffee and a sandwich. I think I must be looking tired and underfed today!!

Sunday 15th June - 70.3 UK
It's 4.20 and I'm felling strangely calm, I slept really well and I almost hit the snooze button when the alarm went off!! Not quite how I have been in recent years of racing here. But now I am just getting ready, eating rice pudding and making sandwiches for breakfast and the race. I hope the swim isn't evil, as it is a mass start this year, like the Ironman was. I hope I won't fall off/get a puncture on the bike and that my knee holds up for the run, and will I come in before 6.56?

My first DNF! What a fucking nightmare! I guess I should have known from the start really, since when do I want to hit the snooze button on a race day? Normally, I'm not even asleep or if I am I wake up in a cold sweat and leap out of bed, wide eyed with fear. I got down to the start and into transition, did my normal routine of looking at my bike, feeling like I should really do more then just squeezing my tires, but as I never know what else to do that's about it. I filled up my drink bottles and put my sandwiches in my bike lunchbox. I had bought myself a latte (how relaxed??) but they announced over the loud speakers that we had to start the walk down to the lake. Now, this bit for me always feels like my final walk or something, it's not my favourite time. I took off my flip flops and felt just how cold the ground was. The pain radiated through my feet and made them ache. Anyone who knows me fairly well also knows how cold my feet are most of the time. I seem to have limited circulation to my extremities, fingers, feet and strangly, my nose. But anyway, the grass was so bloody cold waiting to get in the lake that I had to stand like a sand lizard, one leg up, one leg down and alternate. It amuses me anyway. I hate waiting for the start and a mass start is even worse, there are a 1000 wetsuit clad nervous looking people all huddled up in a bunch all thinking 'what the fuck am I doing here on a Sunday morning at 6 a fucking clock? Who does this? I could be in bed' Well, that's what I think, maybe it's just me.

As open water swims go, this wasn't too bad, the 2 main problems being that as I said before, it was a mass start, so as per Ironman, I let everybody get in front of me because I'm such a nervous wreak. Unfortunately with a middle distance tri, you don't have the time to spare. The other problem is that as I am no longer going to the Master's swim group at my local pool and I am concentrating on distance only, I am even slower than normal, almost like swimming backwards I think, if I hadn't got my wetsuit on I would probably still be in there now. Anyway, the other problem I have (I just LOVE open water swimming) is that I towards the end of the swim I start getting a 'little hypothermic' nothing major but by the time I have hit T1 I have major shakes and am looking a bit blue! I find it very hard to get undressed and dressed in this condition, and this does not a fast transition make. So the swim was 53 minutes, almost 10 minutes slower than my first attempt (not to mention first triathlon) at this race. Bugger. Then T1 took 14 minutes, double bugger. Now, I didn't know this at this point, as I had decided that I wouldn't wear a watch for the race, as to not put extra pressure on myself. Not a good idea, especially in this race. I seemed to have forgotten that there is no spare time for me here. I guess if you are a reasonable athlete you may get away with it, but there is nothing athletic about me at all. Not even a little bit.

So I may be a little pissed off now, because I'm aware that time is slipping away and I'm still in my wetsuit. Helpful volunteers are trying to help, but I'm so cross with myself for not being able to get my own suit off that, to be honest, I'm having a bit of a tantrum. In the end a nice bloke tells me to get on the floor and two of them tug away at my suit for a while. I am a little humiliated to say the least. I finally get dressed but I am seriously cold and can't stop shivering. I remember at this point thinking 'I am really fucking sick of getting this cold' and that thought seemed to stay with me for a very long time.

I got on the bike and started the climb out of the lake, in past UK 70.3's this climb normally sorts out all shivers and I am toasty by the time I hit the flat. But not this year, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes go past and I'm still shivering and also feeling a little ropey now, my chest is aching slightly and my throat is sore. I don't want to eat either and that is not like me at all, normally as soon as my feet are clipped in to the pedals, I have a sandwich or cereal bar in my gob. The ride continues and I'm still cold and I'm having to fight the overwhelming desire to stop and go home and get into a bath. I do not want to be here. At all. But I push on because giving up just wouldn't be worth the beating that I would give myself after I stopped and for the next 2 weeks. I'm almost done and my chain comes off, instead of swearing and thinking the world has come to an end. I just get off and proceed to get as much oil on myself as possible. 5 minutes later and I am on the home stretch, I fly down the hill towards the lake and people are cheering me, saying well done, but all can think is that I have no desire to run a half marathon at all. This is a combination of me feeling like crap and also knowing that I will not beat last years time, unless I turn into Paula Radcliff and run a 1.15 half. Never going to happen. Briefly consider pulling out... nope, can't do that unless I am unconscious or dead. And I am neither, but I am completely taken by surprise and extremely gutted when the race marshew holds my bike handles and tells me that he's very sorry but I have missed the bike cut-off time. I cannot explain how I felt at this point, I burst into tears and stumble into transition. I feel so so bad. Not for a minute did I ever expect that. Why I don't know, but I didn't. I get my bags from the rack, which takes forever because I can't seem to work out my race number and I am so confused. I'm a real mess to be honest but all I want to do is run away. I can hear finishers coming in and I just can't believe that I have failed. I finally have my bags and I go back to pick up my bike, the rack is quiet and I just sit down with my head in my hands and cry. Properly cry big blubbery tears. It feels good so I just do it. A few people try to comfort me but I tell them I'm ok and they get the message. In the end I pull myself together, thank god for my sunglasses and get back to my car and drive away really quickly.
Later, I sit at my mum's house and go through the reasons why I screwed up today and they are as follows...

1. I had no focus or motivation for the race this year, I hadn't even been sure I was going to do it until 4 weeks ago, and my decision to do it was based on the fact that I have had no open water experience and I do not want to start my Ironman (Forestman - July 13th) without at least and couple of goes in the lake. I live near the sea, for fucks sake, why on earth did I not just get some open water experience before the race?

2. I had not trained on the course or even hill trained locally. All my sessions have been endurance based, for the Double. This is a BIG mistake and one I won't make again. Only doing long, slow distance, will only make me a long slow athlete. The kind that misses bike cut-offs!! Other athletes, the kind that actually have natural ability, would of got away with today maybe, but I have no sporting talent and everything I do is just hard work and determination. I cannot wing things, especially one of the hardest half Ironman races in the world. Doh.

3. The cold. Ok, so I feel the cold, quite badly, but I can't let this stop me. If I'm going to do the Forestman then I have to start acclimatising locally. I will start sea swimming once or twice a week for the next month. This should also help with the confidence issues I have. And I will buy one of those weird looking scull caps made out of the same stuff that wetsuits are made of. And I will wear my booties. That should do it!

4. To be fair, as I have been swimming distances of 200 + lengths and biking 100 miles + for a few weeks now, not to mention running a fair amount, I may have been a little tired and over trained. Maybe.

Sat 14th June
Practice swim at Wimbleball. Got to the lake early and sat with my daughter looking at the lake in the sun, which sounds nice and would be if you weren't about to squeeze yourself into a wetsuit and swim in it. The swim itself was alright I guess, if you like getting really cold and trying to keep a lid on the panic which is constantly with me. It's like taking a badly behaved child to the shops and trying to stop them from having a tantrum, it's really hard work. Got about halfway and my goggles fogged up, so I thought I would take them off and clear them - big mistake - Due to the Nivea I plaster my face with most days, the goggles refused to stick back on to my face and I had to swim back to the shore with 'leaky googles'!! Sounds crap but really this is not a good thing for me and the panic threatened to spill over a few times but I managed to keep it together. I hoped that this would be my swim drama done with for the weekend. The rest of the day was spent sorting out transmission bags, racking my bike and eating. A nice day when I managed to forget the little race that I had to do the next day.

Friday 13th June
Picked up bike and parted with large lump of cash and drove to my cousin's house near the race start in Exmoor. Had a nice evening, spent watching tv and eating Chinese and trying not to look at people's glasses of wine too much.

Thurs 12th June
Did a longish run of 1.45 which went well, my knee hurt a bit and it was hot, but I took it easy and chatted to a few workmen by the airport, which was nice, they apologised for spraying gravel up my legs and generally did the workmen ogle female runner thing. I'm not one to knock a compliment and will take what I can!! Worried about Sunday for the rest of the run.

Wed 11th June
40 min bike which I discovered that my gear shifter was playing up, tried to sort it and ended up making it worse, so it was off to the bike shop for me. They phoned me later to tell me that it was going to cost £100 and they couldn't guarantee to have it ready for Friday. Wimbleball 70.3 is no place for messed up gears. I did a bit of charity stuff for the double later today, got a sticker for the car and a couple of vest to wear for the race. I feel weird about Sunday, normally I have trained hard for this race on the hills, but I have done nothing this year and I am wondering if I will be able to blag it?. I want to beat last years time of 6.56 but I guess what will be will be.

Tuesday 10th June
OFF

Monday 9th June
Biked 30 miles /240L/40 min run
Bike was lovely, really nice cos it was only 1 lap! Bliss! Lovely weather too. Swim went well, although my head nearly exploded as per usual. Painkillers before the swim maybe? I didn't really want to start taking them so early, I'm going to wind up addicted to Paramol by August and have to have a month in rehab, although that doesn't sound unappealing at this point I have to be honest.

Sat 7th June
I felt terrible today, I could of slept till midday if I didn't have a 6 year old waking me up at 6.30 I felt like I had been on a big night out and had the flu, my head was pounding and body ached. After some painkillers and many mugs of hot sweet tea I felt more human. It is amazing the damage you can inflict on yourself when you really try.

Friday 6th June
My first thought this morning was "I am bloody shattered' I briefly considered not training (like every Friday) But then realised (like every Friday) that this is the only time I have available to train due to kids and work etc. So with the usual HTFU/JFDI talk (these are becoming quite a habit) I set off. I started with a better attitude and even my bike knee was behaving itself, recently by 20 minutes it was painful but it took 1.30 before the pain started, unfortunately, today was a bad back day, I get these sometimes, my lower back seizes up and nothing works, no painkiller combo makes any difference. The only thing I can do is get off the bike and stretch, this eases it for another 10 miles. 111 miles took me 6.52, not bad really but I had deliberately chosen the flat course today which isn't typical of any Ironman race, but I was tired and although I didn't mind the hills on my normal lap I just couldn't race the traffic today, which shows how tired I was.

I was very glad to finish, I should have done 120 miles really but I just couldn't make myself. I felt really really crap later, I went out for a meal with some friends and I had not eaten much post ride so I would enjoy my meal, not a good ideal as I nearly passed out before I got my food!

Tuesday 3rd June
I ran about 10 miles today which was stupid because it was too soon after the marathon and my knee was still painful and this only made it worse. I won't run now for a while, try and clear it up. Running is my strongest bit, I don't want to mess it up. After a sandwich I went to the pool to do my longest ever swim of 220L, I had some lucozade to drink at 50L intervals. I have never done this before and it worked really well, it broke the swim up in to manageable chucks and it went by reasonably quickly. By 200L I was barely hanging on though, my head was pounding and I had had enough!

Monday 2nd June
Day off today, left knee sore and I am hungry (nothing new there really) I'm also grumpy and tired. Can't imagine why.

1st June - IOW Marathon
The race went well up to about 13 miles - infact it felt really good. I am running with some friends and slightly slower than maybe I would have on my own, but I think that this is a good idea as I am worried about getting injured. After the halfway point we hit a long steady climb which really took it out of us. My left knee is playing up now, this is not the bike knee (they are taking it in turns to mess about I think) I took some painkillers with Jellybaby chasers and picked up bit. We were having a real laugh but the pace slowed a bit more and I have to admit that I wanted to get going a get home at this point, everytime I stopped the lactic acid burned my quads and this got very wearing. I completely lost my sense of humour by mile 23 and couldn't believe how long the last 3 miles went. My friends felt the same and a lot a very lady like swearing went on at this point. I was bloody glad to finish, although 6.15 is not really a time I was proud of, I was proud of the fact that I had biked 112 miles of Friday and I recovered instantly, which is a encouraging sign that I'm doing something right. I'm also pretty pleased with my mate Lynn who never stopped smiling throughout the run and as she has had some negative marathons recently, did bloody well. Got home found out the airport had lost my daughter's suitcase after her holiday with her dad, which wasn't great but on the plus side, it saved me shit loads of washing.

Friday 30th May
Rode 112 miles today, it went well considering the week has been a bit shit and I've not really been looking after myself, not eating enough good stuff and drinking too much bad stuff! I had a terrible nightmare and woke up feeling really low and though 'sod it I will just go for a coffee and dog walk with my mate, who needs to train anyway?' But then I told myself to HTFU and JFDI. That seemed to do the trick, I also decided to look at today like it was a day in the office, a typical 9-5, ok it's hard work, hurts a bit and can get boring, so nothing like my job really (except for the boring bit maybe!) But I get to listen to music and eat all day (which is exactly like my job!) Today I tried pizza as my mid ride snack and it worked really well, there comes a point when sweet bars, jellybabies and bananas get really unappetising, so this tasted so good. Today I could really see that 160 -180 miles was possible with the painkillers and the right food/drink. So if that's possible then the Double is possible. My right knee is completely shagged and I am a little worried what the painkillers are masking and 10pm that night it was really aching.

Monday 26th May
My swims are getting longer and longer, I am up to 200 lengths now, it takes me about an hour per 100, which is slow but knackering myself in the first bit of the race is not really a good idea. The only real problem I'm getting is the scull crushing headaches that develop about halfway through, not sure what is causing them (other then swimming for bloody hours) It might be my back/shoulders getting tense.

Friday 23rd May
100 mile bike ride. This was a good positive ride, I was bloody determined to make it so. I have a 30 mile lap which has a few hills, a busy bit of road and the rest is nice quiet country roads. I parked my car at the beginning which enables me to stop for nosh or extra clothing if needed. It also means I don't have to fight my way through the traffic after cycling for 7-8 hours, which I would never have to do in a race and is just bloody dangerous to be honest. I had packed my painkillers and had to start taking them 20 minutes in, which wasn't great but they did work and made it possible to keep going. I had a couple of stops to stretch and check my phone for messages. Had a wobble about 70 miles in, but picked up near the end and was really glad to finish. My knee was sore later that evening but I have started feeling that the double might really happen!

17th May - Malborough 20 mile race
I ran this with 2 of my friends who had both completed this race before and raved about it. So I had been looking forward to it but due to a nasty bout of post break-up insomnia which resulted in me getting 2 hours sleep. Not normally ideal preparation for a race, but perfect for Double Ironman training! Although in truth I felt like crap, but I figured that the most positive thing to do today was get out and have a good run instead of moping around the house, listening to sad cds and eating chocolate! And if I finished the race I got a handmade mug, which is a race memento I need, enough with the medals and t-shirts, this girl needs a mug! (so I can fill it with wine when I get home!)

The run itself went really well, we set off slowly and just had a real laugh. In the second half there were a few hills and we got a bit quiet and put some effort in. The last part went really quickly and we were home eating a big plate of pasta and large mugs of tea. And the mugs were well worth the effort.

Monday 12th May
170 Length swim
My longest swim to date (160 being the Ironman distance) It was pretty good at 150L and I was wondering if 200L was possible, by 170L I was struggling and it was at this point that I notice the pool emptying very quickly, thinking nothing of it I plowed on, that was until the lifeguard had to stop me because they had to remove a little 'gift' left by some considerate person. I was quite relieved really as the decision had been taken out of my hands.

Friday 2nd May
60 miles on bike.
The pain started about 20 miles in and got worse and worse and by 50 miles I was not in a good place. By the time I got home I was in major pain. How the bugger am I going to ride 224 miles, if I can't even do 60?? The one thought I had while I was riding was 'Cocodmol' Which is a mega painkiller and just might be my only hope.

April 18th - 30th
I have been mainly running in the last few weeks, I have been having sports massages for my knackered knee. I can't work out why it can be so painful on the bike, but I have no symptoms when I run.

April 17th
I have been ignoring my training and log for a couple of weeks, I quit my old job at a printers and started a new one which really didn't work out and I'm now trying to find another job. Working from home would be ideal but it's hard to find a job like that. To be honest, I'm pretty sick of working in my current industry (graphic design) as I have been doing it since I was 17. I want to study Sports Massage/Personal Training and set up from home...I'm used to being my own boss and have a problem with authority
Anyway, all this has got in the way of my Double Ironman training and the last bit of serious training I did was 2 Saturdays ago, and it was an 80 mile bike which almost killed me. I started at 6am (who does this? I mean really???) I had a good attitude and for the first 35 miles I was cool, but my back started to hurt and I had not packed the right food, I was trying out some healthier options than my normal chocolate and jellybaby feast I have, so I started bonking and couldn't recover. Then to add to my problems, a pain in my right knee started to develop. It feels like ITB and it got worse and worse and by 75 miles I had lost it completely and getting home was very hard. I had lost my concentration and the traffic was busy. I finally got home and shoved toast and marmite down my throat and gulped sugary tea whilst lying in the bath! Sometimes I just HATE the bike, I HATE it I HATE it!! This ride has haunted me since and I really need to get out there again and do a good long ride which ends in a more positive state, rather than me wondering how I was going to ride the last 3 miles and whether my step dad would pick me up!! What a hardcore ultra endurance athlete I am!
3 mths and 2 wks to go... I really need to pull my finger out.

Sunday 30th March
Rest day and of course the weather is bloody gorgeous no wind and sunny, Guess what the weather will be like next Saturday? I wish I could train today, as
I feel a bit down and a good long muddy run would sort my head out.

Sat 29th March
80L swim - This went well - felt strong.
56 mile bike - Great until the bloody weather ruined it again, I am so sick of wet and windy bike rides, they are completely shit. I can't wait for
the weather to improve, mind you, it didn't last year and my Ironman training was bloody hard work on the bike.
45 minute run on St Catherines Hill
Legs felt weak for most of the run - can't think why!!

Friday 28th March
40 min run on H-Head. I belted round the Head, couldn't believe how quickly I go round. I felt a bit crap when I got home though, almost like I had over done it...?!

Thursday 27th March
20min of turbo and 20 min run on treadmill. Very tedious after all the outdoor stuff I have been doing.

Wednesday 26th March
45 minute run at St Catherines Hill - It was such a good run today, legs and toenail still very sore but I bombed around the hill like a looney, still buzzing with confidence from the race.

Tuesday 25th March 2008
No training - wish I was back on the island, a life of mountain running and walking followed by a pint and pub grub is about as close to heaven as it gets for me.

Monday 24th March
I flew back home, with my fear of flying greatly reduced, except for when we had to circle Southampton for 20 minutes due to poor weather. Didn't really enjoy that bit. I think my toenail may part company with my toe soon.

Sunday 23rd March 2008
I spent 5 hours walking from my B&B to the 3rd and highest mountain and my personal favourite in the race - Snaefell. Checked out a few sheep skeletons and enjoyed being able to actually 'look' at the view, rather than the ground. It really is stunning on the Isle of Man. The taxi driver told me yesterday that you can see the 7 kingdoms from Snaefell, (weather permitting) the IOM, Scotland, Ireland, England, Wales, Heaven and Hell!! At least I think that's what he said. My quads are pretty sore but the walking did them good, the weather held out but it did start snowing when I was near home but I thought that was great. I finished the day with another pint and more food. A good day.

Saturday 22nd March 2008
What an amazing race that was! I turned up to Market Square a bit early, so early if fact I was there before the organisers, there I was standing in a doorway, shivering, wondering if 1. I was in the right place 2. If I was, where was everybody and 3. Why wasn't I in bed like normal people? Finally a few people turned up and opened the church hall and began to lay out tables and chairs. I sat, looking cold and nervous, like billy no mates, drinking my lucozade. Gradually the hall began to fill up with hardened looking ultra runners. The girls I had been chatting on the Runners World forum arrived (Julie and Prue) and I breathed a sigh of relief, I was relying on following these two as much as possible. Race numbers and dibbers on we all piled outside the hall to wait for the start, I noticed we were standing under a 'Ultra Running' banner, which made me a little nervous, having never run any further than a marathon. At 7.30 we started the race by running though the small town and began climbing the first marathon. It was a nice gradual climb, perfect for warming us up and preparing us for the rest of the mountains.
For me the race felt very much like two halves, the first bit being full of hard climbs and full on decents, I really enjoyed it, I found the climbs good but struggled to keep up with the girls on the decents, as I lacked the confidence it takes to just let yourself 'go' I was so worried about rolling over on my ankle and spraining it, as I do this on normal runs all the time. I really needed to finish this race. The maddest thing I found was when we would get to the top of the mountains, the wind would be blowing so hard that you could lean into it and your body would be supported, that really appealed to my inner 7 year old! Also, all the race marshals would be lying down on the top of the mountains in very thick coats and hats.

The second half began to get tricky, I started off with a good positive attitude but I fell over (on the only bit of concrete around) Which hurt my already bruised knee (from 2 previous falls in training) But I lost some of my energy and also my digestive biscuit. The race at this point started becoming 'challenging' and I had to constantly remind myself to keep eating and drinking to ensure I didn't crash. Although there aren't as many climbs in the second half it still felt very very long. I was running at this point with a girl called Heather, as the other 2 girls I had started with were long gone. Heather was my pace and had done the half marathon last year, and knew this part of the course. We kept each other going and looked after each other, but I really started to lose the plot by the last hour and was in a lot a pain. The final climb 'Fleshwick' was very steep and I was almost dragging my knuckles along the ground and then we ran along the each of the cliff, which made me very uncomfortable in my wobbly condition. And finally we ran on to the Watch Tower, which we had to touch (race tradition I think) and then the home stretch to Port Erin. Although I could see the pink house where the finish was, it took a bloody long time to get to it. A couple of guys that had already finished came to find us and ran the last bit to spur us on. One of the guys, a lovely bloke called Rich, told me to sprint to the finish, which somehow I manage to do (well, I say sprinting...!) I finished and I was officially last, but I didn't really care, just to finish was enough for me. It had occurred to me before the race that not only I had never run an ultra, I had never taken part in a fell race before. It was a bloody tough race, but I already want to go back next year!

Friday 21st March - Isle of Man
I'm off! I am sitting on the train to go to Parkway in Southampton which considering this morning I put my hoodie on backwards (with the hood up) is quite an achievement already. Lets see if I can make it all the way to the IOM! I'm so nervous about flying, excited too but freezing and I have a sore heel from last weeks run, I think my feet will be battered by Saturday night, already I have a compeed blister patch on. I'm sooooooo excited!! God, I need a coffee

Well, the flight went as planned, pure terror for the first 30 minutes, levelling out to a slightly calm state for the next 25 minutes then building to wide eyed fear again for the landing. The wind on the island was so strong that the plane was all over the place and I was wondering how on earth the bloody thing was going to land. None of the other passengers else seemed bothered that our death as imminent. Just me then.
After the adrenaline rush had worn off, I wobbled out of the airport to find some sort of transport to get me to Subly. I was laughed at by a taxi driver when I enquired about the local bus service and was reminded that it was Bank Holiday Friday and there was no chance of a bus or anything else for that matter. I asked how much it would cost to get to my b&b and he said normally about £20 but due to the Bank Holiday it would be more.

£50 poorer, I arrived at Sulby. After dumping my bags in my room, I ordered a pint of IOM bitter (for the shock of the taxi fare) I felt much better after that and decided that I also needed fish and chips, for carbo loading purposes you understand.

I spend the rest of the day lying in bed eating, reading and watching TV, it's not as easy as it sounds for someone who finds sitting still hard (unless I have a glass in my hand!( But it's the best chance for making tomorrow a success. The more rested and carb loaded I am the better and easier it will be. I have had loads of support via the text and now I can't wait! At least having done the Ironman I don't feel(probably wrongly) too scared at this point... Although there really are a lot of bloody big hills around here!

Mon - Thurs 17 - 20th March 2008
Not a lot of training this week cos the IOM is on Saturday, I did a speed swim on Monday and then went to the Cotswold outdoor centre which resulted in me spending £100 on a wicked thermal top (Icebreaker) a rucksack with a place to put my bladder (!!) and a buff (neck warmer) I could spend a lot in that shop, it is so cool, although I feel they could add some tri gear maybe?!! But just going in there makes me want to get a tent and bugger off travel for a few months.
It's weird not training, I have energy and nothing to do with it. Always makes me want clean the house or something. Which is strange in itself really.

16th March 2008
Woke up feeling like I have a cold coming which explains yesterday, hopefully it won't come to anything. Jake isn't well either and is lying on the sofa watching Casper the friendly ghost! I might have an easy run on the treadmill later, just to pick me up a bit. I'm starting to sort my kit out for the Isle of Man, I think doing this race might take my mind off things, which would be good, I'm dwelling again...
I really need to start eating better, I'm comfort eating still and it's not helping my training and also my head, confidence, well being and all that.

15th March 2008
110 length swim, this went really well, maybe a bit slow and the pool was busy but I felt good and felt like I could have gone on and done a lot more, which is great. I'm feeling really confident about the swim part of the DIM, I guess it's because it's not in a bloody freezing dark scary lake. I should think about doing some training in the pool in my wetsuit sometime, that won't be embarrassing at all then.
After my swim I was supposed to go for a 60 mile bike ride, but it didn't really go to plan. I got all ready, felt good and hit the road and really enjoyed it for about 40 minutes and then the rain started, then I hit some road works by that time I was starting to get some very negative thoughts, which is usual at about 50-60 miles but not 10! I decided to go home in the end, I just couldn't do it, my head and heart just weren't in it. The road was slippery and the traffic was so heavy and I guess I was too tired to handle it. I will be glad to get my rides back to Fridays again, Saturdays are just too busy, I don't get a buzz from constantly having cars racing past me in a hurry to get to bloody B&Q! I felt a bit low for giving up but I have the mountain marathon in 7 days so I don't want to push my luck.

14th March 2008
16 miles along the cliff with my friend Lynn. It was a good run, although I didn't feel that great to start with due to overdosing on chips and wine the night before. I really have to start taking my nutrition seriously and try and stop drinking, it just causes me problems the next day. I'm dwelling on personal problems and they are dragging me down.

13th March 2008
No training - I have a long run in the morning, so in preparation I have eaten my own body weight in chips and chocolate for some reason and drank some wine too, why do I do it?? I know I'm tired, shopping with the kids after work finished me off, sometimes being a single mum really sucks. All I want to do is lie down and watch tv and fall asleep. But instead I have to make their tea, make them eat it, do homework, read a bedtime story etc etc. Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself right now!!

12th March 2008
Due to both kids being round at their friends houses, I got to go and run outside!!! Which as I wasn't expecting it was a complete joy and the weather was good enough to run in shorts and a t-shirt. I upped the pace and ran hard to the Foo Fighters for an hour, it was great, I'm so enjoying my training right now.

I have not really lost any weight in the last 2 weeks that I have been seriously training again but I am trying to break the habit of a lifetime and NOT diet! I am about 7lbs over what I would like to be, but probably not classed as overweight and everybody says I 'look better' when I'm this weight. The thing is I feel fat in my jeans right now, and would really like to be a little thinner. But I know that if I start to diet my eating problem kicks in and I start to cut back too much and then I screw up my training because I don't have the fuel in the tank. It's such a pain, I'm thin but I get weaker and then I pick up a bug or get injured, so... I'm really trying to ignore the voice in my head (one of them anyway!) that says 'don't eat - lose weight' and I'm focusing on the DIM, I've got to be strong not skinny, it's hard though as I have been fighting this problem for all my adult life.

11th March 2008
45 minutes of the turbo trainer - hill dvd. Great session, felt easier than last week, although it is a very hard dvd and really makes me sweat, although I am sat right next to my radiator in my bedroom, which adds to the whole sweaty experience. Still, it is the only sweaty experience I'm getting in my bedroom right now!!!

10th March 2008
1 hour treadmill run due to crap weather and 1 hour speed swim session.

9th March 2008
A rest and lots of food. My dad and step mum came to see my new house, so we went dog walking at Hengistbury Head, did a bit of shopping and had some pub grub, perfect day really!

8th March 2008
100 length swim and 35 mile bike ride.
The swim went really well and I loved it, took me exactly an hour, so I think that the DIM swim will take me no more than 3 and half hours. I came home and had breakfast number 2 and then went out for a bike ride, it has been ages since I have biked but the first half went really well and I was racing along, really enjoying myself as I started to head back though I had the wind in my face and I started to struggle, I was tired from yesterdays big run and the earlier swim and the last 30 minutes were tough and I was glad to get home.
All the training I do now, I have it in the back of my mind exactly how much more I will have to do in the DIM, the Friday's run and today's swim are ok, but 35 miles on the bike? Doesn't even make a dent in the 224 miles really.

7th March 2008
5 hour coast run. Today's run was fantastic! I loved every minute of it and it went so fast too. I went further than I had gone before from Durlston Country Park past Chapman's Pool and onto the cliffs beyond, which gave me amazing views whilst I sat eating my oatcake (thanks mum!) Made me want to keep running, but maybe another time I will have more time to go on. I had to scramble down the side of a steep hill, over barbed wire fences, though a field full of lambs and their protective mum's and up an impossibly steep hill with a rock fall at the top. It was so cool to be running and climbing through all this and feeling really adventurous, at the back of my mind I was aware that it was a bit dangerous in places but I felt so good that I didn't care. I took the dog out when I got home and then ate a huge plate of cauliflower cheese and beans, had a glass of wine (big mistake!) and promptly fell asleep!

6th March 2008
No training today and this evening I am shattered and I am a right grumpy moo. I have lost a few pounds this week and I have to be careful about eating enough and not losing too much weight. It's not an easy thing to do given my past history with my eating problems. Today I booked the hotel for the DIM, I guess this thing is really happening! I have a 5 hour run along the Purbeck coast planned tomorrow, in preparation for the Isle of Man mountain marathon in a few weeks, let it go better than last week's run.

5th March 2008
20 minutes of turbo and 30 minutes on the treadmill. No problems.
I created a 'motivation mood-board' today. I cut out loads of pictures that inspire and motivate me and put them in a big frame and put it up in my bedroom, ok, so it's doesn't look that pretty but it does the job. Whilst flicking though 220 Triathlon magazine, I found the letters page and the star letter was all about the DIM, the writer said 'to all the guys and girls training for this, enjoy it because it's an amazing event where everyone is a friend' How mad is that? Made me feel really strange reading it as I am one of those girls!! I cut it out and added it to the mood-board.

4th March 2008
45 minutes on the turbo trainer using my hill training DVD.
I felt really tired this morning, I guess from yesterdays training. I have eaten well and drank loads of water today. I worked out my training plan today and it is completely mad! I am focusing on Fridays and Saturdays being the main training days, this is because the kids are with their dad's for 24 hours and I don't have to work. I have added '3 big days' the first being a third of the distance, then half and finally 2 thirds. The bike part will go through the night, so I need to prepare myself for that bit. Although the safety aspect of that worries me if I am training on my own. But if I can't do it in training then I won't be able to do it on the day of the race. I will do multiple laps, just like the actual race, then I am close to home should there be a problem.

3rd March 2008
1.50 run. Felt better than Friday, the H.Head hill felt easier, not so breathless. I had protein shake when I got back.
80L swim - this was bloody hard! The first 40L were ok, but my head was hurting and the next 40L were really hard work. I kept thinking I have to do another 3 lots of this!! And then bike 224 miles... And then run....!!

The way I am thinking the Double Ironman is that is is 4 half Ironman races, this breaks the race down into manageable chunks in my head.
Swim = x4 1 hours (ish) Maybe less?
Bike = x4 50 mile chucks, plus a couple more miles!!
Run = x4 half marathons
This kind of makes me feel better about this huge distance - I feel quite excited at the moment, at least I am back to my training, not sitting about eating too much.